Raising Resilient Kids: What Leadership at Home Taught Me About Leading at Work
Last month, my 13-year-old son faced something that hurt deeply. He didn’t make the team.
The team he had worked all season to make. The one he had trained for, dreamed about, and visualized himself being part of.
When he got the news, he was crushed. And as his mom, I felt every ounce of his disappointment.
But I knew this was a pivotal moment, not just for him, but for me too. Because how we show up for our kids in times like this? It shapes who they become.
I didn’t fix it. I didn’t try to change the outcome.
Instead, I sat with him. I listened. I let him feel it.
I didn’t rush to reframe it. I didn’t hand him silver linings. I held space.
That’s hard as a parent. We want to protect. Solve. Rescue. But resilience doesn’t grow in comfort. It grows in challenge, compassion, and recovery.
Once the storm of emotion had room to move through, I reminded him:
“This moment doesn’t define you.”
We are not what happens to us.
We are how we rise after it.
When our kids face setbacks, whether it’s sports, school, or friendships, it’s tempting to shield them, smooth the path, or try to make the pain go away. But I’ve learned that supporting them means standing beside them, not in front of them.
So I remind them:
This doesn’t mean you’re not good enough.
You are allowed to feel disappointed.
You’ve done hard things before. You’ll do them again.
This is just one chapter, not the whole story.
And most importantly: “You’re still you. You’re strong. You’re loved. And you have what it takes to try again.”
How to Help Your Child Build Resilience After a Setback
Here are the practical strategies I use at home to help my kids process disappointment, and bounce back stronger:
Don’t solve the problem for them. They don’t need you to fix it. They need you to witness it. Sit with them in the discomfort and let them know they’re not alone.
Help them process emotions in a healthy way. Ask open-ended questions. “What hurts the most about this?” “What are you afraid this means?” Let them cry. Let them be quiet. Let them be human.
Separate identity from the outcome. Gently remind them: “This happened, but it’s not who you are.” Mistakes, failures, rejections, they’re just events. Not definitions.
Reflect on past resilience. Remind them of challenges and setbacks that they’ve overcome before. Help them see their own strength. “Remember when you struggled with [X], and now look at you?”
Encourage them to get back into action. After the emotion settles, support them in creating a next step. Not as a distraction, but as a reminder of their agency.
Reinforce belief. “I believe in you.” “You are strong.” “You’re not done, you’re just getting started.” Those words go deeper than we realize.
Model the resilience you want them to embody. How you handle setbacks in your own life is the blueprint they will follow. Be honest about your struggles. Show them how to keep showing up.
The Parallel to Leadership
In my coaching work with high-achieving professionals and mid-level leaders, I see this same emotional landscape play out every day. Missed promotions. Failed launches. Unrecognized efforts. They’re adults. But they’re still human.
And just like our kids, they need to be reminded:
A setback is not an identity.
Emotions aren’t weakness, they’re data.
You can hold space for disappointment and get back into action.
Resilience Isn’t Built by Avoiding Discomfort.
It’s built by moving through it with support, belief, and action.
At home, I help my sons build that muscle. At work, I help leaders do the same.
Because resilience isn’t just for kids. It’s the foundation of every courageous leader, every loving parent, every person striving to live with purpose and strength.
So here’s my question for you:
What would change if you responded to your own setbacks the way you respond to your child’s — with grace, compassion, and belief in your comeback?
That’s the heart of resilience. And it’s available to all of us.
